a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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