Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize