Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
