im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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