pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize