So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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