I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The best revenge is premature balding
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
