Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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