I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
