his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
