im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
