my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
