tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize