hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
