"it" just moved
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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