yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
