i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just had sex bonerless
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
