So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize