I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
