I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
