Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
