I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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