I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
