I accidentally had phone sex last night
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
