You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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