porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
