We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
