you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
