he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
