I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
