how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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