If that was your dad, he is hot
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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