My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize