im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
