I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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