I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
