so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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