the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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