the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
