I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
