There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
