sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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