Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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