One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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