i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize