32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
