Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
