sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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