'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
