You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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