I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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