we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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