New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
