yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
