margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
