I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
