he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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