DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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