Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
