would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
