Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
