i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
