I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
