so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
