what if every blade of grass was a penis?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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