Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
